I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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