That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
