I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
