Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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