Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
