I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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