the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
