My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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