Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
