it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
