I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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