You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
