Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
