he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
