Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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