The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
