census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
