so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
