um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
