Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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