She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
