Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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