Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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