I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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