don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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