I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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