when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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