I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
