i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
