I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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