Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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