My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
