Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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