What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
