My brain says no but my pants say off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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