am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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