I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize