I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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