i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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