my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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