I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Drunk is not a location!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
