TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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