Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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