Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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