Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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