I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
