margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
