That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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