I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
