i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
