After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
