Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
