Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
