my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and you fell through a lawn chair
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