so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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