I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
