The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
