conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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