it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is there bacon in the couch?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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