I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
