Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
