he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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