His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize