Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
