Someone shit on the floor
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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