The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
