I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
