First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
