i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
