He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
