***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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