so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
