Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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