I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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