everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Shame - the story of my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
