And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
