Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
