Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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