Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize