Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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