Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
