Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
