WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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