I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
