you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drunk is a universal language darling
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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