four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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