Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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