I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
