he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
