yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
