best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
