I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize