i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The struggles of a small town man whore
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
