I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
