Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
