The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
