she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
