Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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