He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize