like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
