No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
