That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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