I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
