Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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