she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize