Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
