i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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