i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just high enough for therapy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
