i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
