I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
