seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
