Michael Bay diarrhea
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
