I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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