it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
