Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
