it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
