I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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