dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
