no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
